Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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