you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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