please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
