I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
