I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
