I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
