He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
