i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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