I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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