happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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