on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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