Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
