I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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