Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
