The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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