Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. š¦
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
