I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
