hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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