alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
