how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk is not a location!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
