my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
