you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
