just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
