Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize