he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
