why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
