I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
