she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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