Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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