If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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