He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
