hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
