Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize