wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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