I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
