Is it normal to miss your booty call?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
