Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
