I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
