we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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