Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
