Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
