Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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