Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
