There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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