my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
