Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
