I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
