just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize