1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we made out on top of his cat.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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