i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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