Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize