Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
