Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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