Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
