bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
