I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
