The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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