Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
