umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
