My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
