All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
