benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
