Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He passed out mid-signature
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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