God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
