Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
