She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
