I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
